My twenty-something-year-old self is pissed at everyone: the system, the government, the school, my parents, siblings and… surprisingly myself, for being this dumb.

If you ever get to know who I truly am you won’t rely on me for advice. You won’t even walk up to me and say, “Hey, lend me an opinion on something.”

You know why?

Let me help you. Because I’m a clueless twenty-something who is trying to survive life in the city called Lagos.

Maybe that’s one solid reason for you to listen to me. I have something to say about life in the city.

I came to Lagos without a clue of what I am actually coming to do. Got to Lagos, got a teaching job, got an apartment, started dreaming dreams and trying to achieve them.

There are forks on the way I have been able to surmount. There are hacks I have been able to pick up along the way. There are also some wonderful thoughts that crept into my head during those disappointing beginnings. And there are also mountains I have been trying really hard to bring down.

I consider myself 29 as I write this (though it’s not yet my birthday) and all things considered, I’ve done pretty well for myself. Stumbling and fumbling through the dark, I am managing my quarter-life crisis well. At least, I have been training to get a better and stable job [albeit in tech], as well as not fuck up my relationship with a girlfriend I love, and for unknown reasons, people do come to ME for advice.

You should consider taking some of the advice I would be throwing across.

  • Keep your plans to yourself.
  • Don’t be an idiot. Exercise is exercise. You are already planning to visit the gym later. So start here; carry your own bags. Take the stairs. If the distance is not far walk instead of taking a cab.
  • Do the laundry yourself. Do the dishes. Creative ideas often pop up during boring tasks.
  • Try cooking at home more often. You’re not only learning a skill, but you’re also learning to be a good husband and a not-so-horrible dad.
  • Public speaking is a skill we all should learn to do. Take advantage of every opportunity to improve your public speaking abilities.
  • Chances are that most of your friends have better-paid jobs. Yet that’s not a proof that they’ve been able to figure out their life. We all have shit going on.
  • Based on the above 👆, life is a personal adventure. If someone wants to go faster, let them pass. Wish them luck then continue your own journey.
  • When you hear me speak like Phyno or Bubu, don’t correct me. I might be trying my possible best to draw your attention and make you smile.
  • Also on the above, never correct people’s pronunciation. Only small minds do such. Focus on the conversation.
  • What if you wake up one day to realize that everything you ever knew was wrong. Your parents ain’t real. There’s nothing like God. That’s proof that everything is all about perspective. Have an open mind.
  • I like it when people carry a book around. It makes them look like they’re a genius. But, my dear, books are meant to be read and not carried around.
  • Most people are lying when they describe what their life is like. Don’t listen, don’t use what they say as a baseline, don’t get jealous, just nod and then forget it. I’m happy for you.
  • My best one-liner to open a conversation with almost anyone is; say nothing. Just look them straight into the eye without blinking. After five seconds they’re glued. You can now say Hi.
  • To make decision making simpler, pick favourites and stick to them. For clothes, pick a few dark colours (if those are your preference) and stick to them. You will not be confused as to what to wear every morning.
  • If you’re watching something and you can’t tell yourself that you either plan to do something with that information or it will make you seem smart, turn it off. Or flip it over to a comedy show because you may as well be watching pure entertainment.
  • I keep wondering why people read entertainment news. Because all I see mostly is gossip news. Who cares what Davido is doing with his girlfriend

There’s a whole lot more to say. Some of which I can’t remember, others I don’t know how to put in writing. Feel free to add yours. If you can’t add, no problem. I only hope this saves you some trouble.

P.S: You mustn’t agree with me. After all, you’re you, I’m me. So I don’t expect everything to be fine with you. Just don’t piss me off.

See Also: 20 Things I’d Tell My Twenty-Something Self

Hat Tip: 25 Rules for Living   

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